My husband (34) and I (26) have been married for 3 years. We have a 2-year-old son together and just like any married couple, we both have our fair share of arguments. But lately, he's been having a temper and getting mad and arguing over stupid things. His job is very stressful (he works in law enforcement) and he sometimes becomes overwhelmed. He's dealt with depression before that was severe enough to stop him from working for a few months; he received therapy but didn't commit.
I am struggling with my mother's illness, and only me and my sister are able to look after her. We take turns to stay with her, and I get 3 days a week with her, including hospital stays. My arguments with my husband started after I got back from my mother's house Tuesday night at 8 p.m. I was with her all day and was too exhausted to even stand. My husband was watching the news and our son was sleeping in his lap. He asked if I was going to make dinner and I told him no, just make quick sandwiches, but he didn't want it and asked again if I could cook him a meal, but I refused and told him I had no strength left in me. He suddenly got upset and kept talking about being home all day and skipping work to give me a chance to be with mom, but I was acting selfish and ignoring my own family. His voice was loud enough to wake our son up, and it was so obvious to me he was going to start an argument, so I just walked into the kitchen and just...disengaged.
I heard the bedroom's door close harshly and I thought that was the end of the argument. He woke up early in the morning, and when I entered the kitchen I found that he already made breakfast and prepared my plate. He asked if I got enough rest and what my plans were for the day. I was confused because normally after every argument he'd stop talking to me for days, but this time he was relaxed and even made me breakfast. I took a seat and before I began to eat he brought up the argument the night before with his tone suddenly changing. He went on about how we fight a lot and admitted we needed to have some grace and understand that both of us are stressed out. I kept nodding my head and he kept apologizing for the way he spoke to me. I apologized too and explained I was just so tired and my mother's illness has been impacting me hugely. Then, when I was about to eat from my plate, he stopped me and told me to wait. He then flipped the plate with his hand off the table and it dropped onto the floor. It was shattered, the food was on the floor. I was in absolute shock, I immediately started cleaning while yelling at him asking why he did that. He told me that he went to bed without dinner so we were even. I screamed at him, just kept screaming at him telling him that I was done with his childlike behavior and the pressure he kept putting me under. He didn't argue anything, just walked out of the kitchen without saying anything.
I started crying then I called my sister, she wanted to berate him but I asked that she drive me to my mother's place temporarily. I have been staying there for a few days with my son. My husband comes over to see our son but we don't talk much. He apologized several times in person and via texts and wanted me to return home. He cried during his last visit and said he didn't mean to hurt me and that he takes full responsibility for his actions. He's asking me for a second chance and to move past this petty fight, and I don't know what to do honestly, he seems sincere. I feel so bad whenever I think about it. I just don't think I should come back after this incident. I really can't let it go...it's just too serious for me to ignore. So overwhelming.
Advice:
That's not petty.
He was testing to see how much abuse you'd take and whether he could get you back in line. You called his bluff, he realizes he has overplayed his hand, and now he is trying to walk it back. Seriously, forget this guy.
You have to be seriously disturbed to plan and execute something that sociopathic and manipulative. He really, REALLY wanted to hurt you when he planned and did what he did.
You don't need this, my love. Your baby doesn't need this, nobody needs this. If I were you, I'd just stay away. Take a few months to really think and be by yourself. You do not have to decide today what you're going to do, but in my opinion, you really do need to take your time on this one. You don't owe this guy a marriage or forgiveness or even an assurance that you'll forgive him one day.
My prediction is that if you take your time, he will flip back and test out whether being nasty/mean will work. Give it a month and he will flip again. He just sounds incredibly manipulative and childish.